im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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