Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
