If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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