Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
