My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
