The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
