But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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