You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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