Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
