Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
