that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize