the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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