Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
