I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
