There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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