Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
