her vagine was all disorganized.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
