this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
