You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have peed in a lot of sinks
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
