oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
