We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
