My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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