I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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