I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
