Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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