Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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