i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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