I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize