hell yes lets make some ravioli
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
