everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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