worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize