New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
