I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize