Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
