Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
