I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
