we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
