I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
