there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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