mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
