I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
