It's Friday. Sex?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
