a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
