I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
