my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
