Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
