if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
