I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
