he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Come on in and take your pants off
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