You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
