You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
