we're blogging at a bar
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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