A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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