can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
