garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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