I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
