nut hugger
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
