Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
