guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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