I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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