I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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