Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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