And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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